The masochistic part of me will always find comfort in your embrace.
The sick part of me will always look to you for guidance.

You were the only one that made me like what I looked like in the mirror for that first 5 seconds of every day.
You were the only one who didn't make me shut my mouth when I wanted to scream out loud.
You were the only one I found comfort in when I didn't know it was wrong.

You made me beautiful.
You made me strong.
You made me love.
You made me hate.
You made me everything.
You made me nothing.

I miss you, I miss what you could offer me.
I hate you, I hate that you left me.
I love you, I know you would take me back in an instant if I just said the magic words.

Why is it so hard for me to accept what I am with out you?
Why is it so hard for me to get over you?
Why am I not strong enough for you anymore?

I'm terrified, that's why.
You've already hurt me more than anyone else could.
You showed me how much they didn't care.
You showed me how easy it was to hide.
You made me what I am today.
This horrible, broken, lonely thing.
This monster I see in the mirror with the melting face and the warping figure.

Please come back, please make me strong again.
I miss you.
I hate you.
I love you.

Since we last encountered each other :]

My friend, I have made mistakes and great triumphs.
I watched my face melt, walked up walls, and fought the monster in the bathroom door.
I cried for hours alone in my room and in his arms.
I laughed for days with new friends and the old ones who have stuck by me.
I hid under the covers sweating out the fever and peaking out the windows.

I have felt the highest highs and the lowest lows.
And I know they will only become more extreme as I continue my descent into this new world I have always coveted.

I've watch dealers fight and scream, and laugh and make up.
I've seen 100 pills and watched them disappear.
I've eaten all but one color of the rainbow, and might I say pink was my favorite so far.

I'm glad you weren't there with me.
Because I have grown an appreciation for going separate ways.
I came to terms with this fact of life long ago, but was reminded by mistakes made by those I love. I realize that people are different, and I am much happier knowing I got done with this foolishness in one day rather than dragging it out over 6 months.

I have stories to tell, someday.
And I have pictures to take.
I have memories waiting to be made.
And I will say I can not wait to see what will happen next.

On Saturday, here I come.
I need to put my hair up, because it down will attract no attention.

And you know how I love attention from strangers.

I feel lik crap, I am making no progress in photography.
Nor will I make any progress this year.

I am artistically challeneged, in a sense that I know I wont be at a hihger level than the one I am at now, and I am unsatisfied with my best. I am envious of those who are talented. I will seek my gift in other places. I refuse to believe that "practice makes perfect."

Maybe my natuaral talent is just appreciating others and imitating them. That is what I call a failure.

My number of mystery cuts is steadily increasing and due to most recent visit to father's house I am covered in new bruises. Very not okay.

But anyway,
I am incredibly not artistic right now.
And I really do not care.
Because I need to do well in school when it comes around,
And I sincerely prefer film photography.

Upcoming Events I wish to Attend::
-Kitsap Fair
-The Birthday Massacre in Concert
-The Flaming Lips in Concert
-Hempfest
-Bumbershoots
-Brand New in Concert[Both days? I wish.]

Issues Needing to be Addressed::
-I signed up for 3 or 4 classes at the HighSchool but due to the fact that the guy hates me [I assume] I'm only signed up for one [GermanII]. Need to fix that, preferably before facing the chaos of the lines at orientation.
-I have that OC class starting Monday at 8. But I don't want to take the bus, and I don't want to walk. I will settle for walking. [Shed some pounds]
-Nathan McGloin.
-In desperate need of Chealseahawk. Desperate. Desperate. Need. Like The Faint Desperate Guys desperate.

I have learned this from you
This one solitary, true fact
People Lie.
I have learned this from you
That no matter what
People are Human.
I have learned this from you
That even if you trust someone
You're always going to worry.
Because the two statements above
Are always true.
Thanks to you.
I've learned a lot.

Now go find a new girlfriend,
I'm sure it wont be hard for you.