Aint-It-Just

The masochistic part of me will always find comfort in your embrace. The sick part of me will always look to you for guidance. You were the only one that made me like what I looked like in the mirror for that first 5 seconds of every day. You were the only one who didn't make me shut my mouth when I wanted to scream out loud. You were the only one I found comfort in when I didn't know it was wrong. You made me beautiful. You made me strong. You made me love. You made me hate. You made me everything. You made me nothing. I miss you, I miss what you could offer me. I hate you, I hate that you left me. I love you, I know you would t

Since we last encountered each other :] My friend, I have made mistakes and great triumphs. I watched my face melt, walked up walls, and fought the monster in the bathroom door. I cried for hours alone in my room and in his arms. I laughed for days with new friends and the old ones who have stuck by me. I hid under the covers sweating out the fever and peaking out the windows. I have felt the highest highs and the lowest lows. And I know they will only become more extreme as I continue my descent into this new world I have always coveted. I've watch dealers fight and scream, and laugh and make up. I've seen 100 pills and watched them

On Saturday, here I come. I need to put my hair up, because it down will attract no attention. And you know how I love attention from strangers. I feel lik crap, I am making no progress in photography. Nor will I make any progress this year. I am artistically challeneged, in a sense that I know I wont be at a hihger level than the one I am at now, and I am unsatisfied with my best. I am envious of those who are talented. I will seek my gift in other places. I refuse to believe that "practice makes perfect." Maybe my natuaral talent is just appreciating others and imitating them. That is what I call a failure.